CW 006 – Complaints (in Rhyme!)
006 02-01-07
New month, first day of February! And we’re closing in on the big 007. I spent the last evening listening excessively to the Birmingham and Helsinki Complaints Choirs, so I’ve been struck with a strange urge to…complain. Well, maybe it’s not that strange.
Winter is too cold here; I like the autumn more
I am really weak, and what’s heavy is the door
My nose it kind of itches, but I cannot scratch it now
My stomach’s really sensitive; I wish I were a cow
Why does this computer have such sticky keys?
Why does the toilet always clog up on me?
And why…can’t I swim so I almost drown?
I want my childhood back,
Why won’t my knuckles crack?
And the buses never let me show up early
Where did my high scores go?
That took some time you know,
But they’re go~oone
I never see my friends, and I do not like to drive
I don’t want to take Prozac, my fish is not alive
My kittens eat my flowers, and the leaves do not grow back
My mother’s always nagging, she doesn’t give me slack
Why don’t these iMac mice have two click buttons?
And why am I not having any real fun?
And why…did my best friend move out of town?
I want those coupons back,
They’re hard to keep track
Of, and my hair when it gets wet it’s too curly
Tetris will not load,
And I want to know
Why it’s go~oone
I have too many books, (It’s not fair!)
No more shelf space, look! (It’s not fair!)
Yet I want more cause there are some really good ones
It’s not fair!
Hohohoho, now that’s out of my system. You know, you never realize how hard it is to complain when you have to do it in rhyme. And yes, pretty much all of this is based in real events. I’m a flippin genius at Tetris, but a few years ago, my computer refused to load it. Only recently we discovered that some virus software had obliterated some necessary file, and we were able to retrieve it and I can play the Russian blox once more. Except it’s also got some screwy high score system that is inherently flawed, but I won’t go into that.
Heck, maybe I will, I’ve got nothing else to talk about. The scoring starts at zero and goes up to about 32,000, when it will suddenly and without warning flip over into the negatives and proceed from -32,000 up to zero. This in itself wouldn’t be so bad, because I usually don’t get past -3000 or so. However…in an extremely lucky game, I actually do pass the zero again, and the score becomes some glitchy looking five digit number. And though it was the longest game, the score will not be recorded. At all. Again, since I rarely reach that point, that wouldn’t be so much of a problem. HOWEVER. If the last score on the high scores list is say, -17,000, and I play a game ending with say -19,000, the new score should not be inducted into the gallery, yes? Yet, it still prompts me for my name, and instead of bumping off a higher score, it ends up taking a space on the other column, where IT SHOULD NOT BE. Again, this would not bug me so much, except that whenever I reach a score that is just below the lowest high score, this prompts the game’s programming to suddenly and without warning revert the current high scores into their reverse. So, if the highest score is -3000, suddenly and without warning the highest score is…3000. Which is a rather low score. Which means that if I should accidentally save the new scores now, all of the original high scores will be lost, and I would have to earn them all over again. I suppose this gives the game a replayability factor, but it had that anyway, darnit. Especially once I started dating my high scores. What I really want, though, is for the game to count the number of lines you’ve played successfully. That’s the only way to truly gauge a game, since the “scores” are so messed up. I don’t know for sure, but I think my best game is about 450 lines.
I want to talk about the bamboo, Arvin. Lauren gave him to me for my birthday, and he drove with us in a cup holder all the way up from San Diego. I woke up one morning to hear some munching sounds, and see Lizzy attacking him! I shooed her away, and I see that poor Arvin is missing about five leaves. I had no choice but to reintroduce squirt bottle training. But no, it didn’t work then, it doesn’t work now. I have to hide Arvin when I’m not around to watch them.
Speaking of Lizzy, she’s been so sweet lately; I don’t know what it is. This morning as I was brushing my teeth, she came and joined me in the bathroom, hopping up on the toilet and purring. She doesn’t usually purr without provocation.
Gosh, my arm is really sore right now. And my head feels funny because the showerhead parted my hair a bit differently. I feel a bit lopsided.
Oooo! Oooo! Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows comes out July 21st! Yes, I am a Pott-head. Ooh, I hope my local library has a midnight party and raffle again. For the last book, our group won three copies of the book for free. Heh heh heh.
I think someone’s been messing with the icons on this computer. Microsoft Publisher is now named something like “Perfect Toilet Paper Publisher,” and Internet Explorer is now the “Enterweb Navigator.” Silly. Everyone knows its spelled Intarweb.
I haven’t been thinking much about what I’m going to write. I’ve reached a point of conflict, and I have to make a major decision that will likely affect the very universe of my works. But I don’t wanna. I want to stay in limbo where everything is possible because nothing’s happened yet.
Know what? Borders is a devious, devious place. The receipt from our last transaction comes with new coupons that only last for a few days. That’s how they do it. They get you in the store, and before you know it, you’ve found more treasures that you just have to have. Devious.
I’m tired, though I shouldn’t be. I got extra sleep yesterday.
I just noticed that the margins of this page are bigger than I’m used to. And here I was, thinking I was being unusually productive. L
Hey, since when has Microsoft Word been doing that, converting emoticons into smilies? Mine never did that…or did I never use smilies? Yeah, that’s probably it. I used Word for papers, not blogging. I should check this out when I get home.
It is now 9:15. My mother should be on her way to chemo now. No telling how long it will take. I’m on standby in case I have to pick up my brother from school. Thus, I’ll be staying in the computer labs after class. I can probably get some work done. I should check the lab hours while I’m here. Yep, I’ll be able to work for awhile. But I don’t wanna. I’d rather work at home. Boo hoo hoo. I’m so spoiled.
Looking back, I sound so childish. Heh. Child at heart, I suppose. Or maybe writing just brings out the whiner in me.
I miss my friends. I think I have a right to be whiny if I’m not making anyone listen to me.
Goober Golf 